


If you can‘t believe in yourself, I‘ll do.

by MINDinINK



Series: Raising Hawkeye [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Clint Barton & Phil Coulson Friendship, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint has no trust in himself, Coulson has faith in him though, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Other, Phil COulson is a good dad, Phil Coulson Is Awesome, Pizza makes anything better, Social Anxiety, teenager Hawkeye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MINDinINK/pseuds/MINDinINK
Summary: Summer break has arrived and Clint is dreading the results of the tests, he had to take to prove he doesn‘t have to take extra years in school, despite having missed out on years of education. Coulson was ordered to school without him. He‘s never been so afraid to disappoint someone.
Series: Raising Hawkeye [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872529
Kudos: 43





	If you can‘t believe in yourself, I‘ll do.

**Author's Note:**

> I don‘t know how the school system works in the US regarding placing students in classes after they‘ve been out of school for a long time. So I went with the system of my home country. If someone knows more about this, please enlighten me =)

He was nervous. He hardly ever got nervous about anything concerning school. Why should he? It was just something he had to do to not lose the privileges at SHIELD. He didn't skip classes. He didn't cause trouble in school, always held his tongue, even if he wanted to tell the older ones picking on him to fuck off. He hadn't become their favorite bullying victim and that counted as huge success to him. He had been the one to be pushed around too many times, always taking the short end. This school seemed okay, he could possibly imagine staying there until graduation. A few of the kids weren't even that bad, not talking overly much, but sitting at his table during lunch, showing him around and making sure he didn't miss classes when having to go to a new room. They could have become friends, if he hadn't been so goddamn scared of being hurt by their absence in his life as soon as he was thrown back on the streets.

The thought twisted his guts, made him sick. He had been with Phil Coulson for four months and it had been the best time of his life. No beatings. Food when he wanted. His own room with a door he was allowed to close. He had enough clothes to never feel cold. He was taken serious by Coulson. He was more of a father than he had ever had before.

He was fucking terrified of losing that. 

Which was the reason why he was so nervous. Sitting at the bottom of the stairs of their house, he was staring at the front door. Phil had gone to the end of term parents teacher meeting. His future depended on the test results they would hand to Coulson. He had fought for him to be allowed to enter a class with kids at the same age, instead of having to be set back to a lower year. His last school record was from third grade and he couldn't even start to think of the humiliation it would be, should he be sent back to go through all the years he had missed.

He had studied through nights to pass the tests, to show he was capable of learning on his own, to prove that he could keep up despite of missed school time and missing records. He had tried hard, harder than ever before. 

He was sure it hadn't been enough. Maths was no problem, neither was physics, history was a walk in the park with his good memory. English. Literature. Politics. Social studies. Those were the things he struggled with. Reading was hard, always took too long and was extremely time consuming. Reading aloud in class was torture. He hated it every time. He could read, but having gone almost deaf in the middle of learning spelling and reading had left its traces. He struggled and hated it.

Coulson had ridiculous high standards for him. If he had the time, he checked his homework, had even made him rewrite stuff before due to sloppy handwriting and spelling errors born of haste and little motivation. He had pushed him on and on. 

He wouldn't be able to explain why he had failed. He would be disappointed and he didn't want to see that expression on his face. He did so much for him , he had to at least manage that in return!

The clicking of the lock caused his head to snap up. All muscles in him tensed, his chest got tight. Phil walked in, balancing two pizza boxes from their favorite place. Clint was confused, didn't move from his spot on the stairs, legs still pulled up.

"It's.. not Saturday…?" He breathed out. Coulson was strict on his routines and although he loved pizza, he could only have it once a week. Saturday evenings. 

Coulson looked up, surprised to see Clint sitting on the stairs, face full of concern and wearing his favorite hoodie although the summer heat was still hanging in the air thickly. He pushed the door closed with his foot and dropped the keys in the bowl on the nearby table. Looking at the teenager, his face slowly lit up, a smile lifting the corner of his mouth.

"We said Saturdays, or special occasions"

Special occasions? His face must have looked as clueless as he felt, because Phil started to frown and went through the open doorway into the kitchen, setting the pizzas down on the table before returning to him. Clint‘s eyes followed his every movement, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't make sense out of his behavior. To his surprise, the agent sat down on the stairs next to him, slowly putting an arm around his shoulders.

"I talked to your class teacher, Ms.Cann " 

Why did he sound so cheery suddenly? She for sure hadn't said much good about him. She was the kind of person nobody could read. Always fair, but closed up and demanding, always up to surprises of unannounced tests. He hugged his legs and rested his chin on his knees, letting out a deep sighed exhale, before closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I tried" he mumbled. She was his literature teacher. If she had requested to talk to him, things were bad. He had fucked it up. He hadn't kept his side of the deal. He'd lose the comfort he had settled into. His chest got tight, his eyes threatening to spill over with tears.

"Clint? Look at me"

He shook his head the slightest bit, but couldn't resist, when Coulson took his chin between his fingers to force his face to him. He usually only did that during panic attacks or after nightmares, so what…

"I'm very proud of you today, Clint"

There they went with… wait..what… ?

His eyes went wide at the words, a hot burning building up behind them suddenly. He opened his mouth and didn't get any words out. He only stared back at Coulson, who started to smile again, wider this time. He let go of his chin.

"She said despite some struggles that can't be discussed away, you've doing a good job catching up on almost everything. There are things to work on still, but you hit a solid 87% on the test they made you take, perfect in half of your classes, the rest isn't perfect, but much better than they expected. You caught up on several years in four months. They will let you move on"

The news needed a couple of seconds to sink in fully. His face started to lighten up. Phil had brought Pizza to celebrate his test results. He was <b>proud</b> of him. Nobody had ever said that to him. He had always been a disappointment to anyone and Phil said he was proud. 

"I passed…" he whispered in disbelief, unable to wrap his head around it.

"With flying colors, Clint" Phil gave him a pat on the shoulder, then noticing his stillness. "Hey, what's up bud? Did you expect something else?"

The teenager swallowed hard, his heart racing and his voice with a shake to it that he absolutely detested. 

"I thought… literature…?"

"Yeah, that was the lowest score. You didn't make it through all the questions. It pushed the end result down, otherwise it would have been in the 90s. I saw your tests"

He saw… He felt an urge to run. His handwriting had been a disaster, not to speak about the chaos that was his calculation way, which hardly ever followed taught rules. Coulson, always neat in his writing, must have had a fit seeing the scribbled answers. He looked down. Coulson wasn't having it. He lifted his chin again.

"Clint? Do you understand what I'm telling you? You caught up on everything! Next to a basic agent training at a secret agency. What you mastered is worth more than pizza on a Wednesday. You proved them wrong on wanting to send you back, you made me very proud today. None of the teachers had a bad word to say about you and you scored excellent results. You've earned some special privileges for your summer break, like we agreed on. Well done, bud"

He was proud. He had earned privileges. He had… made it. A deep breath and he felt a tear escape his eye, rolling down his cheek before he could wipe it away. God, why was he crying now?

Next second he found himself in Coulson's embrace. His arms came around the man naturally, his emotions getting the better of him.

"It's okay, let it out. It's been a few hard months for you" He encouraged him to cry, rubbed his back soothingly and didn't complain about how he soaked his dress shirt with his silent tears. Clint never really cried. There were tears sometimes, but never any sobbing or the like. Years of living in an abusive home and orphanages where tears were weakness older kids looked out for, he had Learned to cry in silence. He didn‘t get pushed away. Instead Coulson scooted closer, held him safely and kept reporting what his teacher had said. His reading needed working on, so did his handwriting. He needed to learn a little more work structure. They worried about him not making contact with the other kids. Minor things. Things that weren't important to him. He didn‘t want or need friends.

He had made it. He had scored high. He could stay at SHIELD. He could stay with Phil !! The relief flooded through him, causing another wave of tears to stream down his face and soaking into Phil's shirt. He couldn't tell how long they had set on the stairs in silence, Clint crying and Phil rubbing his back. When he let go of him and wiped his tears away, he felt pathetic about the outburst, but also relieved. Phil Coulson smiled at him, patted his shoulder once again. He was proud and hearing that hit something in the teenager, that sparked a feeling he had never experienced before.

They had pizza and ice cream dessert. Phil allowed him to stay up through the night to watch a movie marathon together. As they sat on the couch together, Clint munching away on salty popcorn, they made plans for his summer break. Beach time. Road trips in Phil's beloved red cabrio. Sleeping in, movie nights and training when he wanted to. By the time Clint sank into bed, the sun was already starting to paint the horizon pink and red. He was still smiling like a fool when remembering Phil's words. 

He was proud of him. He had done great work. He had new different summer privileges. He had never felt so..normal..loved.. appreciated.. ever before. The night was dreamless and first day of summer break started with late breakfast, pancakes and a cup of coffee. He smiled like a fool the whole time. 

Someone he desperately wanted to please was proud of him and he, for the first time in probably all his life, felt happy with himself and his situation. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always I am happy you read the story.Leave Kudos, Comments, or find me on kik messenger. User Name‘s SebMaxStaden. Have a great end of week everyone !!


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